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"The Holy Stone of Clonrichert! Wasn't somebody cured there?" "No Dougal, somebody was LURED there." [09 Jul 2009|07:22pm]

dazz
[ mood | silly ]
[ music | David Bowie - "Little Wonder" ]

Oh, Ireland. You are an embarassment to the century.
Locals try to save tree stump they believe depicts the Virgin Mary.

My mother believes Mary appeared at Fatima and Lourdes. I'm not sure where I stand on divine manifestations, myself. Considering those statues of Ganesha that drank milk and that statues of Buddha that emitted light, if these things are real and happening despite supposedly incompatible religions, then it's probably the work of what Keel dubbed the Ultraterrestrials. If they exist.
That being said, I'm inclined to agree with Denis Leary, in that the Holy Mother has a big enough budget to be able to afford to show up in much grander and more spectacular appearances than on the back of a piece of burned toast. If she wanted to, she could turn up at the premier of the new Harry Potter movie bitching about how even though she hadn't read the book, she still got spoiled for the Dumbledoricide.
Showing up on tree stumps and half-eaten breakfasts and road signs would make more sense of the manifestation were of a relatively new divinity. Like L. Ron Hubbard. Oh, we know Scientology isn't exactly strapped for cash, but one look at the production values of Battlefield Earth and it's clear to see why Tom Cruise keeps his own production company.
But seriously, if some divine being manifested itself in your cornflakes, surely it would more likely be the work of a being that was just getting started, flexing its miracle muscles and going "Lookit me! Look what I can do!", while the older, more established gods that parted seas and conjured golden bridges out of thin hair just snort "...Fuckin' n00b.".
And surely if the divine has seen fit to manifest itself in your cornflakes, then surely the only message it's there to convey is that you should finish your cornflakes? That being the case, not finishing breakfast and instead inviting the Vatican over to deem it a miracle is going to look bad on your CV come judgement day?

In other news, there is no other news.
The celebrity bloodbath seems to have ceased for now (I am a little concerned for Michael's kid Paris. Like the Hound of the Baskervilles, the media have turned their blazing eyes and dripping jaws on her, with her father's freshly-stripped carcass still dangling from their teeth, as if to say "Heyyyyyyy, soon as we're done with Miley Cyrus we can have this one for seconds!"), work is thin on the ground and my brother seems to have settled into the role of a Once-A-Week Dad depressingly quick.

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They’re Talking About Me — In SPACE [09 Jul 2009|05:45pm]
scalzifeed

A quick video featurette about me over on the official Stargate Web site, in which Stargate:Universe producer Brad Wright discusses my participation and whether I’ll get around to writing a script for the show. I’ve mentioned before that working on the series has been a total blast, and I’ll reiterate it again; it’s been really exciting both to get a close-up view of the TV production process, and to see my own input being translated into something that will go up on the screen.

I was joking during an interview recently that one of the nice things about being the “creative consultant” on SG:U is that it means when the show does something that people like, they’ll say “wow, it’s good they listened to John Scalzi!” and when the show does something they didn’t like, they’ll say “wow, they should have listened to John Scalzi!” so I win either way. Having said that, I have to say I’ve been enjoying what’s been coming my way, in no small part because it’s been making my job easy. My job so far hasn’t been to “save” anything; my job has been to (hopefully) make it even better. There’s a difference between these two conditions.

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[09 Jul 2009|01:52pm]

nose_ring_girl
7/9

I forget the fleas
    from the other place.
I balance the keys
    on the lip of the bowl
by the mirror, where it's written
    "You move too fast
for haiku." It smacks
    of stale cherry and ink
so crusted in an old pot
    that it, too, was worth
leaving behind. I sleep
    on the floor. Old beds
should stay old, and rot
    elsewhere, not beneath me.
Your eyes have never swept
    these walls. Pictures of us
are the artifacts of ghosts,
    former selves who smell
of last season's peaches, so
    everything, even their rings
smell of something old, rotten,
    as if their past changed chemicals
in their molecules. As if
    the dust of ghosts, like
detritus or Spanish moss
    feeds and feeds creatures
who slowly bleed us.
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Fugger Pains [09 Jul 2009|05:19pm]
go_fug_yourself
You can run, Linds, but you can't hide. We know it's you. Why?

32321PCN_LohanTan01.jpg
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Because ONLY YOU would take the twin obsessions of spandex and self-tanner so far as to paint yourself a pair of FLESH LEGGINGS.

It's so ridiculous that I can't even be bothered to rag on your rubber dress, or the fact that I think you bought that bag at the Franchise Glitz Dealer they go to in Xanadu. Yes, flesh leggings may have broken me. Seek help, and I will do the same.


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Officially began the Appeal [09 Jul 2009|01:16pm]

ladylenneth
[ mood | busy ]

 So we have a lawyer and we submitted for an appeal with my Disability Claim. 

The week starts with me no longer being friends with someone, but I'm starting to think the girl was crazy. Really, really crazy.

In other news, I'm doing a Kimono Panel at Ancient City Con, and am totally excited for it. 

If you happen to go, be sure to see it! :D

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Tayfug Fugsen [09 Jul 2009|04:17pm]
go_fug_yourself
I'm wondering if the same people on Gossip Girl who are sabotaging Blake Lively ALSO have a little bit of a hate-on for Taylor Momsen. Check out what she wore on-set recently:

spl109387_009.jpg
[All Photos: Splash News]

It would seem Little J's plot this season could be all about how she spent her summer vacation as the semi-slutty mechanic's aide who likes to shove wrenches suggestively into her hot-pants pockets, and then check the oil over and over again with that erotic dipstick. Maybe she'll even relaunch her fashion line to be geared toward grease-monkeys who just want to give the guys in the tire-rotation trenches something to feel good about every day.

I don't feel good at all about this next piece, though:
spl109387_003.jpg

NOW I am wondering if Little J got herself arrested over the summer, and is part of the world's hungriest chain gang at a minimum-security, maximum-exposure prison. Also, I am pretty sure I bought that hair at Aah's five years ago when I went as Hilary Duff (circa Raise Your Voice) for Halloween, and it looks right now, on Taylor, EXACTLY as it did the other day when I cleaned out my garage and pulled it out of a Tupperware storage bin.

Oh, TAYLOR. That lazy cross around your neck can't help you now.


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Here, Have a Mailbag [09 Jul 2009|04:20pm]
scalzifeed

One nice thing about being done with the writing project ASIDE FROM BEING DONE W00T! is that I can remind you that I have an AMC column up today, in which I explain why we’re not actually in danger of seeing a Transformers flick become the most successful Sf movie ever, why Moon was never going to make $100 million, what’s up with your favorite recent SF novels in the world of film and so on and etc. Go! Now!

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Done! [09 Jul 2009|03:51pm]
scalzifeed

The project I was working on is now complete! I’m very pleased.

What is it, you ask? Well, let me tell you –

No, wait, I can’t tell you yet. Sorry. Soon, though.

But, hey! It’s done! And I’m happy with it. Go me.

On a more technical note, this means my blogging hiatus is officially over and I’ll be resuming normal blatheration soon.

Also, for those of you in the betting pool for when I would crack and start posting Photoshop grotesqueries: HA! Take THAT! I win, send the money my way, please. Thank you.

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chiptune [09 Jul 2009|10:11am]
mstgrs
we got bored so we made this

HOLY FUCK IT'S BEEN YEARS
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This is supposed to make me feel bad, right? [09 Jul 2009|08:56am]

royalglory
Last night around 12 my grandma woke up and told me I should be in bed.
I went to bed before 2.

This morning around 8-8:30, she's telling mom over breakfast how 1) Raye is a bastard and her ex-husband is just as cruel 2) that her son just CANNOT be trusted because he yelled at her once over the phone, and 3) how she woke up at 3 to find me still at the computer (the hell)? and that I slept all day.
So.
At 8:30AM!!, after already having spent an hour in bed listening to her sitcoms and news about Michael Jackson on the highest volume through the rooms, I rolled out of bed and made my appearance and said, "It was 12."
I told her, "It was 12. I went to bed before 2. I woke up before 9AM. Your schedule and mine aren't so different, only by a few hours."
She tried to reach for me to explain how she'd told mom it was 3AM.

Ok. EVERYONE in my family knows this rule, and no one is exempt from it: Don't touch me when I first wake up. So naturally and instinctively I pull back.
She starts crying. EVERYONE knows I'm not good with tears. So I walk away to find something else to do while mama comforts her.

So now, I'm sure, I'm supposed to feel bad because I was the final straw that made my poor grandmother cry.

But I don't feel bad yet.

Just aggravated.


Omg.


I'm horrible.

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Finally, Officially Legal Booze at The Green Goddess! [09 Jul 2009|02:39am]

chefcdb
So when I wake up early (for me -- around 9 AM) and have some coffee, I will make the trek to old Red Stick, the state capitol of our lovely state, where I shall find the bureaucratic maze where the golden apple of my official alcohol permit awaits. Finally, I shall have it in my grasp, and I shall drive back to the Crescent City and deliver it to the restaurant, where we shall proudly hang our license from the wall and proceed to earnestly sell wines, beers and our unique cocktails to our dining guests.

Yea, verily, it hast finally come to pass that we have climbed all the hurdles, navigated the hideous maze of bureaucratic inertia, and paid our never ending tolls to the powers that be, and thus we are legal. What a relief!

Wish me well on my little journey. Here's what we can now publicly offer:

The Green Goddess Cocktails


Shamsi’s Refreshment $9
Watermelon Juice, Izze Blackberry, Fazenda Mae de Ouro Cachaca
& Sour Cherry Ice Cube

The Harem’s Secret $8
Rose Petal Syrup, Pomegranate Juice & Miller’s Gin, with orange bitters

Pimm’s Chalice $10
Lemon Balm infused Pimm’s No. 1, with a splash of Barcelona Gin, cucumber

The Green Fuse $9
Obsello Absinthe, Sugarcane Juice, Lime

Blood Orange Mimosa $10
Sonoma Sparkling Blood Orange Juice, Spanish Cava, &
Strawberry Blossom Sorbet

Ginger Mint Julep $10
Ginger Syrup, choice of Buffalo Trace or Russell’s 10 yr Wild Turkey Reserve,
Mint from the PZB garden, splash of Maine Root Ginger Brew

Brazilian Samba $11
Organic White Tea, Cashew Fruit Juice, Agave Nectar, and Ice Cubes made with Young Coconut Juice, with El Dorado 12 yr Guyana Rum

Island Sea Breeze $8
Hibiscus, Acai Juice, Sobieski Vodka, and finished with Pink Ting

Tres Amigos Brandy “Milk” Punch 2XL $10/Regular $7
Horchata, both Russell’s Reserve & Buffalo Trace Bourbons, VSOP Brandy

Our Bloody Mary with Roasted Creole Tomatoes 2XL $12/Regular $9
Local big, fat & juicy tomatoes, roasted and pureed, with a little V-8 juice, our own spicy concoctions, Sobieski Vodka, pickled okra & green beans

We also have a few very interesting wines, with whites from Sardinia, Sicily, and Portugal, good German riesling; reds from Spain, the early grandfather varietal of Zinfandel, known as Primitivo, from Puglia, Italy, and a very lovely 100% Syrah with a very old Roman ancestry -- the Numa from Chateau Guiot, a family vineyard dating back literally to Roman times in the Rhone region, near Chateauneuf du Pape vineyards, as well as a Provence rose' and some Spanish Cava, sparkling wine. The wine list will change up quite a lot, and I look forward to exploring wines with our globetrotting cuisine.

Beers are available, too, though we do not have the space to pour beer from taps. We have about 5 or 6 different beers, and that list is also subject to frequent changes. So get 'em while you can at The Green Goddess, and join us in raising a toast to another fine watering hole in New Orleans!

I Shall Name Him Rex [09 Jul 2009|12:02am]

docbrite
Almost forgot in my post-CP excitement:

I HAVE A MONARCH CATERPILLAR ON MY MILKWEED!!!

He's tiny-tiny, less than a quarter-inch long, but you can see his little black, orange, and white bands as clear as anything.
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Dr. Death in Da Hizzouse [08 Jul 2009|10:15pm]

docbrite
Because I know I haven't been posting many photos lately (I'm still futzing around with new computer software/old camera software), here is a slightly blurry camera phone picture of me, Chris, Russell, and our dear, notorious friend Dale, a.k.a. Dr. Death, the mortician who helped me with so much hands-on research back in the day (Russell was Dale's date, and I'm very sorry I cannot remember his last name) at Commander's Palace last night. There was no special occasion, but as Dale says, it's always a special occasion when we get together, and he wanted to take us during his brief visit from his still-rebuilding home of Galveston, where he has been working constantly from the first wave of drowning victims to the recent surge of suicides similar to our post-federal-levee-failure one. Things got very gay indeed, but if Chris says a combination of champagne, other substances, and Dale's encouragement caused me to write any bad words such as, say, BUNGHOLE on him in permanent ink while he was passed out in his easy chair from his two cocktails after we got home, he is, of course, lying.



Please note that I am wearing my cocksucker suit, although you can't see it very well.

I'm sorry I am too lazy to write up the dinner, but it was exquisite. Chef Tory McPhail just gets better and better. [info]theferrett, the Foie Gras du Monde with the coffee and beignets is more delectable than ever, if you can believe that.

Still no word on why Facebook disabled my account, and at this point I'm pretty much thinking fuck 'em. I enjoyed getting back in touch with a bunch of people there and meeting a bunch of new ones, but if they don't want me and my 2000 friends, I'll just become a Twit when I get back from Chicago.
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A letter [09 Jul 2009|12:20am]
super_becka
[ mood | cold ]

Dear Mother Nature,

I would like to remind you that it is currently July 9th, 2009, and that I reside in the northern hemisphere.  In case you forgot, that makes it summer here, and as such, there should be no frost warnings.

So how about you cut it out with the damn frost already??


Yours shiveringly,
Becka


__________


It's July, I live in Canada, it's summer here, there shouldn't be any frost.

I dislike that this is the second night in a row with a frost warning.

I'll be sleeping with my electric blanket on "High" tonight, brr.


-Becka :)

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ATTN: OTAKON ROOM OPENING [08 Jul 2009|10:34pm]

rymel
a room opened up for otakon, at the new hilton. it's a double, $189/night for up to 2 people, $204 or so for up to 4. obviously you'll go for the lowest but since it's a new hotel plan for possible trouble since we don't know how they'll react it being the hotel's first otakon. but yea it's part of my block which you can separate if you don't want to be, and you have until tomorrow to take it. actually, you have until the morning before i post the offer up on the otakon comm. who wants it? gogogo!
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Today's Tally: [08 Jul 2009|11:43pm]

framlingem
[ mood | happy ]

Becka: 1 (best part)
Boat: 1
Brownie Batter Blizzards: 2 (1 each)
Birds: Eleventy billion.
Big Whales: 1 ( a fin whale. Oddly, no humpbacks)
Bigger-than-a-minnow Whales: 4 (I think. Atlantic White-Sided Dolphins. Awesome.)
Black-light minigolf score: Emily LOTS, Becka LESS. (Becka beat me handily. It was fun.)

And that's my day, brought to you by the letter B, but not by Children's Television Workshops.

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Transfuggers 2: Revenge of the Fuggen [08 Jul 2009|08:06pm]
go_fug_yourself
88879966.jpg

CATE BLANCHETT: No, see? I wear this color foundation because it matches the rest of my skin.

MEGAN FOX: Uh-huh.

CATE: No, truly. It blends. It blends IN. I look one uniform color, right? It appears natural. Your face is like an entirely different color than the rest of you, don't you see? It all ends at the middle of your...well, your Adam's apple area. There's a line there that oughtn't be there, I'm afraid. In fact, if I may give you some advice...may I, Megan?

MEGAN: Uh. I can't actually even believe you're speaking to me at all. So, yeah. Yes. You can. Please.

CATE: Well, it's rude to ignore ones seatmate. Anyway, what I was going tell you is that acting and make-up should both seem natural. Effortless. Do you understand what I'm telling you?

MEGAN: Yes? And mine are...not?

CATE: See! Knowing is half the battle! Now, shall we relax and just talk about our pretty dresses?

MEGAN: You are so nice!

CATE: Well, I am a great actress.


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But nothing fades as fast as the future, nothing clings like the past [08 Jul 2009|09:28pm]

dazz
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Peter Gabriel - "More Than This" ]

You know what feels odd? Outliving your idols.
Admit it, at the back of your head, you didn't think it would happen to you. I mean, look at me, big David Bowie fan. Has the concept that someday I will be watching his memorial on TV while the tossers who couldn't give two fucks about him while he was alive rush out and snap up every one of his CDs they can get crossed my mind?
Not really. Like everyone else this generation, I always assumed I was living at the end of history, and I won't outlive any of the people I admired growing up because we're all going to be wiped out together by nuclear fire, a flaming meteor or giant crabs invading the Earth.

Which reminds me. Things I would like to see in either Fallout: New Vegas or Fallout 4:
1 - Horses. I've talked about this one before. When it comes to traversing huge, sprawling in-game landscapes, Shadow Of The Colossus-style transport is the way to go. Considering the wild west style they were going for, equines were somewhat conspicious by their absence.
2 - And/or vehicles. Which no post-apocalyptic movie is complete without. I don't necessarily mean turn the wasteland into Liberty City. On the contrary, I was thinking something more like Jak & Daxter 3, where the vehicles (mostly buggies and jeeps) were few on the ground but all the more handy because of it. I'm not thinking of Mad Max's V8 Interceptor here (as jaw-droppingly awesome as that would be), but something more along the lines of the Landmasters from Damnation Alley or the aforementioned off-roaders from Jak & Daxter.
3 - Weather. Just to add an extra element of danger to the environment. In other games, weather is just incidental. An innovative feature would be to make the player not only aware of the weather but have to take it into consideration when journeying. Acid rain that can burn, radioactive ash falling like snow, or a heatwave that could make you pass out if you're not stocking enough water.
4 - More radio stations. And the ability to import some of your own tracks wouldn't go unappreciated either.
5 - Cross-platform online multiplayer. Speaks for itself, really.
6 - Rockets. One thing that I only recently noticed. Despite the amount of retro-futurist 50's nostalgia, apart from the lunar lander in a museum, the space program (and the optimism surrounding it throughout the 50's and 60's) didn't get much of a look in. It'd be interesting if there were a mission where you had to help a bunch of armchair astronauts scrounge up the materials required to get one of those old retro-looking rockets spaceworthy, then sitting back and watching lift-off.

And now I better do this, in case it looks like I forgot. Five words given to me by Sabrina are:
Motorbikes.
Blasphemy to say when you not only come from a family of mechanics but also work in a garage, but I just think bikes are cooler. And better for someone like me who doesn't have a family to feed and/or play taxi to. I think there's a giant glaring difference in the number of people who have a car and the number of people who need a car.

Genesis
I'm going to assume she meant the band and not the book of metaphors. Phil Collins-era Genesis I've been listening to since before I can remember. My dad was into them, and in those long, boring Sunday drives when I was a kid, I'd just sit and look out the car window while the fantastic and otherworldly music kickstarted my imagination. Peter Gabriel-era, I discovered on my own. My Dad had none of the stuff from that era, and I actually discovered Gabriel's solo stuff long before I ventured into his Genesis days.
What's surprising is how different they sound. Surprising, because these days when someone goes solo, their stuff sounds IDENTICAL to when they were part of a group. Mostly because going solo these days just means someone's already swollen ego needs room to expand, so they just pretty much continue to be the band without the band. I mean, look at Beyonce Knowles. There's no difference to the shite she's churning out now and the shite she was churning out with Destiny's Child. Ditto Justin Timberlake. All that happened was their egos got too big to allow them to share a spotlight with anyone.
But there is a distinct difference between Gabriel's Genesis stuff and his solo stuff. His Genesis stuff was more experimental and showy, with songs inspired by his dreams. His solo stuff was extremely personal, less experimental and more refined.

Flag
Some people think the Stars & Stripes on my userinfo is either a silly joke or bitter sarcasm. I've said it before and I'll say it again, nobody ever believes anything I say except for the things I don't mean. Personally, I believe the Pledge of Allegiance (and the "under God" part of the Pledge) should be optional. I just choose the option to have it. In college, I got a lot of shit from idiots who had the thing confused with a swastika. I could have just taken the thing down and bent over for someone else's misconceptions. Which is pretty much the opposite of what the flag stands for, so no thanks.
The Irish flag, not much I can actually say about it. It features two of the ugliest colors in the spectrum and is usually only seen being waved by fuckwits up north or those rare occasions there's a World Cup on we're actually in.
Oh, and with a red pen, a blue pen and a ruler, I had so much fun pissing off armchair fuckwits in school by drawing the Union Jack. Not for any particular love for Britain, but if you can't physically fight someone, the least you can do is ruin their mood.

Hair
You know, I'm reasonably sure that if women went bald, we'd have a cure. Kinda like how if men could give birth we'd have (A) an epidural that actually worked and (B) much bragging about never taking one, not even that time we had quintuplets. I know some women do lose their hair, but not on the scale that would produce an effective treatment by the weekend.
I would hate to lose mine. I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for it.

Leather.
One of the few materials I actually feel comfortable in. Denim, cotton and leather. That's usually about it, really. And it's not a bad list. It looks good, it feels good, it's sexy, and sometimes makes hilarious noises under the proper circumstances.

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What's Fugging? With Jamie Oliver [08 Jul 2009|07:13pm]
go_fug_yourself
Dear Jamie Oliver:

88883273.jpg

To whom are you giving that thumbs-up? Is it to the crew at the Harry Potter premiere, because you were helping them set up the carpet and the lights and you're letting them know it's all working properly? Is it to your auto mechanic, who got sick and couldn't fix your alternator and so he called you and talked you through it? Is it for your milliner, who spent two weeks trying to find you a lid that would as closely as possible match the hues of your denim? Or is it because you're catering the event and someone just took one look at you and went, "Sweet Jesus, Jamie, did you even WASH YOUR HANDS?" and you had to check with your wife and she wrinkled her nose and said, "I THINK so..." and so you decided to give 'em the all-clear sign just to cover your ass?

Because I KNOW you are not looking in a mirror and giving yourself that stamp of approval. You CAN'T BE. BECAUSE YOU HAVE EYES.

Love,
Heather


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Hofit Fuglan [08 Jul 2009|06:25pm]
go_fug_yourself
Oh, Hofit Golan. Sweet Hofit "Phoebe-Price-esque Princess of Cannes" Golan. How hard you do try.

88887119.jpg

But, see, they already HAVE a Care of Magical Creatures teacher at Hogwarts. Ditto Herbology. So there might not be much need of a lady who looks like she's caught in the middle of a botched transfiguration into a giant African Violet. Although -- to mix literary references for one shameless second -- if they ever move the royal meeting from Ascot Racecourse to a track through the looking glass in Wonderland, you will totally be its queen.


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